A brothers legacy and journey to Jessie May
Iain, part of Jessie May’s Marketing and Communications team, shares a personal story about his brother Bertie. Although Bertie passed away before Iain was born, his life has quietly shaped Iain’s path and connection to Jessie May, a charity that supports families with life-limited children. In his own words, Iain reflects on how Bertie’s memory continues to influence both his work and his understanding of family, grief, and care.
Bertie was born at just 29 weeks, the third son in a busy, loving household. His life was short but meaningful – he lived just long enough to blow out the candle on his first birthday cake. Despite the challenges caused by severe brain damage at birth, Bertie’s resilience, the support of his family and medical staff, and the joy he brought in small moments shaped a year his family would never forget.
“I always knew about Bertie. He wasn’t a secret in our family,” Iain explains. “I remember visiting his grave when I was younger. He was buried in Empingham, a bit of a drive from where we lived in Norfolk, so it wasn’t something we did often, but it was always part of my life. It wasn’t that we never talked about him, but it wasn’t something that came up much – maybe because it was just too painful for my parents.”
Bertie’s death was a turning point in Iain’s family. Iain was born just a year after Bertie’s passing, and he reflects on the mix of gratitude and complexity that he feels about this. “I feel grateful, in a way, to Bertie. Without him passing, I wouldn’t be here,” Iain shares. “It’s strange to think of it like that, but in a way, I was the miracle baby.”
Growing up, Iain learned more about Bertie’s life through conversations with his parents. However, it wasn’t until later, when Iain stumbled upon an article his mother had written, that he began to fully grasp the depth of what his parents went through. “I found the article in the attic one day, and it was an emotional moment for me. It was the first time I had really heard my mum talk about it in such detail. She wrote so eloquently, being a journalist, and it was incredibly moving to read,” he recalls.
Not only did the article give him a glimpse into what his parents may have experienced, but joining Jessie May and hearing stories from families in similar situations has deepened his understanding even further. “I hadn’t really understood the full picture until I started working for Jessie May. Now, I get it. I understand what they went through to an extent, and it’s part of the reason I wanted to work here. I wanted to understand more about palliative care and how it could have helped my family. If Jessie May’s services had been around back then, I know it would have made such a difference.”
Now a father himself, Iain finds he relates more closely than ever to the pain and strength his own parents must have carried. “Becoming a dad changed everything,” he says. “It’s made me more empathetic and more passionate about what Jessie May does. I can’t help but think of how different things might have been for my mum and dad if support like this had been available.”
It’s clear that Iain’s connection to Jessie May goes beyond professional duty – it’s personal. The tragedy of Bertie’s short life also led Iain to recognise the importance of quality care and support for families facing similar challenges.
“I wanted to be part of an organisation that supports families the way my family could have used support. The medical system was great, but I now know how much better it could have been with at-home support, especially in the years after. What I see in Jessie May’s work today is that those small moments – spending time at home with the right care – and the bereavement support that follows – can make all the difference.”
Iain continues to honour his brother Bertie’s memory in quiet, personal ways – from writing him letters at festivals, to carrying a family tattoo with a special crown just for him. “Even though we don’t talk about him often, I think about Bertie alot” he says. “I have something to live up to – my life is a gift because of him.”
“In a way, Bertie’s life has shaped everything I do,” Iain says. “And I want to make sure his story isn’t forgotten”
Iain’s story quietly reflects how even the shortest lives shape us in meaningful ways. As he supports families through his work at Jessie May, the memory of his brother Bertie continues to guide his understanding of care and grief.
